A legal will passes on what you own. An ethical will, sometimes called a legacy letter, passes on who you are: your values, the lessons life has taught you, your hopes for the people you love, and the stories that explain where your family comes from.
An old tradition
The idea is centuries old. In many cultures, parents gave spoken or written instructions to their children about how to live well. Today people write them at all ages: when a child is born, after a diagnosis, at retirement, or simply because they realise they've never said these things out loud.
What an ethical will usually includes
- Values: what you believe matters most, and why.
- Lessons: what you learned, often the hard way, about love, work, money, faith, and forgiveness.
- Stories: moments that shaped you, and family history that might otherwise be lost.
- Gratitude: to the people who helped you become who you are.
- Hopes and blessings: what you wish for the people reading it.
- Apologies and forgiveness, where they're needed.
A simple structure
- Who it's for and why you're writing it.
- Where you come from: a few lines about your family and the life you've had.
- What you've learned: three to five things you'd want them to know.
- What you hope for them.
- A closing word of love or blessing.
One to three pages is plenty. Short and sincere is better than long and formal.
Tips for writing it
- Use examples. "Be honest" is easy to forget; the story of the time honesty cost you something and you'd do it again is not.
- Avoid instructions that try to control. "I hope you'll find work you love" lands better than "you must become a doctor".
- Read it aloud. If a sentence doesn't sound like you, rewrite it.
- Revisit it every year or two. Your thinking will change, and that's fine.
Sharing it now, or later
Some people share their ethical will while they're alive and find it starts wonderful conversations. Others prefer it to be read after they've gone. Both are good choices. If you'd like it delivered later, Tellafter keeps it private and sends it to the people you choose only if you stop signing in, after reminding you first.
It's not a legal document
An ethical will has no legal effect. It doesn't replace a legal will, and it shouldn't contain instructions about property that conflict with one. Think of it as a companion: the legal will deals with what you leave, the ethical will with what you leave behind.